Where did the last 365 days go?

I am sitting at the computer wondering that very question- where did the last year go??? I can't even begin to express how this year has changed our lives... It's been amazing, overwhelming, insane, exhausting, joyful, fearful, exhilerating, and by far one of the most wonderful moments in my life.
It seems like yesterday when I was admitted to WAMH, for issues with Gabe's umbilical cord. The doctors said that I needed to make it to as far along as I could, but we needed to do hospital bed rest and daily monitorring to make sure that he was okay. That was on the 29th of June. Every day was filled with stress- would they be okay? What could I do to make sure our babies were safe? Each day they were looked at through an ultrasound, and each day I would breathe a sigh of relief- they scored well and we had one more day. But then, on July 9th, the doctor came into the room and said- well... it's not just Gabe showing signs of distress, but it's Ethan as well. Of course she used the technical terms like Baby B, and Baby C, but they were Gabe and Ethan to us. We had already had made the decision that we would have to do what we could to give all the babies a chance at life... so when I stared at Dr. Kuranz in shock, she said- "Do you want to have your c-section today or tomorrow?" What? What! I was so shocked, and scared. I had just made amends that I would be in the hospital for weeks- and now, literally days after passing the 28 week mark, we were discussing the c-section. It was "go time". I called Mike and at 5:58, 5:59 and 6:06 on July 9th we saw our children for the first time. Max gave out such a cry- it was like a kitten mewing. Gabe didn't cry and needed help breathing right away. Ethan's cry was very weak, but audible. I remember feeling as though I was having an "out of body" experience. They took me to recovery and all I kept thinking was that I just had the babies.. they're here. I never once worried if they were okay- I don't think my mind was even able to comprehend the struggles we would face. They took me to the isolets, and I just stared at these perfect faces. They were so beautiful. So delicate... so... amazing to me. And so began the LOONNNGG road ahead. I think it was about the third day when I actually realized that we would be going to the NICU for a very long time. The day they connected the boys to the oscillating ventilator was the day when I really panicked. I thought, my goodness, are my boys going to be okay? I never really thought they wouldn't make it, but I realized that I wasn't going to be taking them home with me anytime soon. It was a hard day. The ups and downs of the NICU were strenuous- I look at pictures of myself during that time and the bags under my eyes communicate more than I would ever admit to at the time. We had three babies in the NICU... three... UGH! After many sleepless nights, long afternoons and way too much hospital food- we were given great news. Max was coming home first- YIPEE... followed by an intense panic. I remember talking to my mom saying- we've spent so much time and money putting him together again- what if I break him? Well, it was a stressful transition, but a successful one! It was two week later and they told us Gabe was coming home, three days after that Ethan was also home with us and our family was complete. But now, instead of three babies in the NICU- we had three babies at home!!! Three babies. That meant a million bottles, medications, diapers, and very little sleep. I don't remember much of October, November, December, January and February. I know that we slept in small increments and that my days and nights were often confused. I know that in those months we climbed many a mountain and lived through some pretty low valleys- Ethan almost died by choking, Gabe had hernia surgery, trips to the ER for brochiolitis, oxygen and monitors, medications, and then in-home therapists. We got through it all with the help of family and friends and also each other.
As I look at the boys now I am simply amazed. They are doing so well. They have their own personalities and are developing into such adorable little boys. You can not deny the presence of God in my life- I have three miracles just in the next room. My life is infinitely more complete with the addition of our "winklets"- my husband and I are so indebted to family, friends, God and each other. Thank you to everyone who has shared in this journey with us. I hope you look to this blog to see updates on the boys. I know that each day brings new adventures....

Happy Birthday Boyos!!! Mommy and Daddy love you so much our hearts hurt.